I personally separate forgiveness and forgetting by remembering that Jesus never told us to forget. Forgiveness means for me that I will not hold the action against the person. It does not mean that I will forget it, it only means I will try not to bring the past into the present moment when I am interacting with that person. For example, when a person broke into the church when I was pastor at Dundalk Church of the Brethren, and we found him still asleep in the building, we still called the police. We still went to court and asked that damages be paid. But if he were to walk into the building again on a Sunday morning, I would have expected peo ple to welcome him as a fellow worshipper, not tell him to go away or that we didn’t want him because of a past deed. I would never forget he broke in, and I wouldn’t trust him to lock up the building—or even give him a key—until he had earned that trust back. We are not expected to roll over and play dead.
Eva
A further response:
You make a good case for forgiving vs. forgetting, but I think it depends on the case and the person. My first impulse, always, is to forgive. But then the action keeps coming up or seeping in and it seems like, more often than not, I only manage to set myself up for more punishment. OR, I want to forgive (even SAY that I do) but find myself super-sensitive to the actions of the 'trespasser' -- I seem to think that they are only looking for ways to get over on me. And then when they do I feel like such a schmuck!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
It is probably not fair to leave a comment, as I have not read the book. My experience in forgiving and forgetting leads me to believe that forgiving is a powerful choice for growning in a Life of Spirit only if I have NOT forgotten! Holding resentment(etc)is a barrier which disconnects me from Spirit. The choice to forgive is my way of saying "My life in Spirit is more important than my resentment, no matter how much pain was incurred." The courage to forgive comes for me out of the desire to be with Spirit, not out of some superhuman ability to love someone who was hurtful and maybe continues to be hurtful. Sometimes forgiving starts a ripple that leads to transformation in a relationship. Sometimes it continues to be a slog of clear limit setting and the refusal to be someone's punching bag. I think we are Called to Forgive so that we continue to be connected to Spirit so that Spirit can empower us to deal with the behaviors that we are Called to NOT forget but to deal with Spirit's help.
This was difficult for me to reflect on.
I think that I forgive easily, heck I do it at least once a week with my mother.
I think I have a problem with forgetting. I can do it, I have done it, but it seems when I get put in a corner and I feel like I have to go for the kill in order to win the fight, that's when I do it. I bring up the past. Now I'm the hurtful person....Feels good when I'm winning......not so good later. Now I'm the person that needs to be forgiven and could only hope they forget.
Post a Comment